Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
