Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
