sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
