what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
