Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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