am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
