It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize