Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
