did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just pee around me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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