i need an iv and a liver transplant
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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