Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
