I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
