It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
