; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
