Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
