No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
