whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
