If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
May the power of my ass compel you!!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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