You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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