The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
