I feel great
I just peed on a car
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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