am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
