omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
