I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
