And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
