Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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