my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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