but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
