I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sext me about skeletons
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
