I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
