Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
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If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I did not marry a roomba.
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