I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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