Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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