the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
