saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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