I'm really into asian looking animals
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
