I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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