My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
