I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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