Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
