Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
