It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just blew my weed a kiss
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
