You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
