I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Randomize
