i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
