So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
