i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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