look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
