Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
