i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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