he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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