Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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