Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
