Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize