you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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