So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
