Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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