she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
