Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
