I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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