Sry I called you an 8
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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